I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
