Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
