just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
