I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
