but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
