Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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