Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
