you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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