Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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