I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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