i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
