just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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