winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
