Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
