I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The air was thick with penises
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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