I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i out mim tonsoeep
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
