Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
