I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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