I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
