I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
