Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
