I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
