After last night, I could never be a politician.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
