JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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