The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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