five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
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I think your dad took our porno
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off