You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms