Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa