If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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