Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back