At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
