She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
