Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
