I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
smell my finger.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
