i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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