I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
