Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
