Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
