my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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