Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
