The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
