Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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