So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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