so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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