mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
