I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
