he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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