My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
