her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
