Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Enjoy the penises
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
