making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
