Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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