why didn't you poke me back
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
