lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
