It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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