Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
