I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
