took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
