I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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