I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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