He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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