i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
