I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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