Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
