apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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