He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
