I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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