I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
