I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
