Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
