just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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